Etiquette and manners

I can already hear you....what does etiquette have to do with politics? Or with anything REAL for that matter? Etiquette is just for stuffy people! It's just pretending! Besides, I don't know which fork to use!

Hogwash.

First of all, yes, there is etiquette in politics (or at least there should be). Second of all, I'm taking a teensy break from thinking mainly about politics, as my brain hurts a little. So I'm going to blog on etiquette and manners, a subject near and dear to my (possibly very weird) heart.

Confession first: I collect etiquette books. Miss Manners (aka Judith Martin) is my favorite, but I also have Letitia Baldrige, Amy Vanderbilt, and Emily Post. I also have (treasure!) 2 books that are circa 1900. I love my books.

It's amazing to me that there are so many people who disregard not only etiquette, which is the "rules", but slough off manners completely....until someone is rude to them. Then look out! They will rant and rail about the loss of manners in society, not being aware that those who DO practice good manners are noticing their rudeness and ignoring it so as not to compound the problem.

Emily Post has this to say: "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

There's that pesky fork again. Let's get that out of the way. If you should ever have occasion to sit down at a formal dinner (happening less and less these days), there are two things to remember. One, there should not be more than 3 forks on the table. No, truly, you will never ever see 5 or 6 or some other unwieldy number on a properly set table. Two, all you do is use the fork that is furthest to the left. It leaves the table at the end of the course you used it on and look! Only 2 forks left! Which one do you use now? That's correct, the one furthest to the left. Then it leaves and your choice is easy. Only one!

Why do people pick on the poor forks? They just want to be helpful!

I say we bring back manners. If only there were a way to force it on people - well, people other than the ones we give birth to. Them you can force all you want. It's a start, I suppose.

Personally, I'm doing my best to raise well-mannered children. They're not perfect, of course, since they ARE kids, but I'm trying. And they're doing pretty well.

As evidence - a hugely proud moment for me, and I wasn't even there. My kids were visiting my mom last summer, and she took the three of them (ages 9, 12, and 14 at the time) to a resort for a weekend. They were joined for dinner one night by my sis and her two kids (2.5 and 1 at the time), and they all went to the somewhat fancy restaurant in the resort. About halfway through dinner, 2 older ladies that had been sitting near them got up to leave and stopped to talk to my mother. She was told that when all the kids came in, the ladies were dismayed to be seated near them, assuming that the kids would be loud and horrid, as most kids are. They stopped, however, to compliment all the kids on their lovely manners and to say how pleased they were that there are still some polite children in the world. I busted buttons, I tell you.

Now, I'm not bragging (well, not much!), but I would like to use that story to point out that it IS possible to teach children manners without "stifling their creativity" or some such bushwah that basically means "I let my children walk all over me".

What's that? Learning manners is hard? Obviously you've never tried. Now, I will grant that the more formal rules of ETIQUETTE can sometimes be tough. But manners is simply "not being a jerk". That's not hard. It is, however, contagious. Smile at one person instead of snarling and it's amazing...they will go on to smile at one or two or a dozen people...and eventually, with a little bit of luck, the world is a nicer place. At least for a minute.

Try it. Join me. I promise to not pull out the shrimp forks and strawberry forks and demitasse spoons and fish knives and.....